If you’ve been following my art career and the blog entries that come from it, then you know that over the last year and a half I have gone through some drastic changes. I’m a Christian! I have been forever changed. Of course, that doesn’t mean that life is perfect now and everything is hunky dory. Of course, not. The struggle is still real. I’m just not walking alone anymore. Amen!
As I grow in my Christian faith and take inventory of all the sin in my life, I can’t help but acknowledge what C.S. Lewis referred to as Christ’s effort to “inject His kind of life and thought into you.” This new way of living, coupled with my study of the Bible, has left me yearning to change. For the first time — ever — in my life, I am an eager participant in following the commandments.
But I suck at it. And I’m worse at some more than others. Today I want to confess that the hardest one for me, by far, is: “do not covet.”
Man, if I had a negative superpower it would be just that. They would call me the marvelous Envy Man or Jeff the Jealous or Captain Covet. I’m not proud of this. It’s embarrassing actually, which is why I think it important to express.
Every single time I open my Instagram or scroll through Facebook I’m bombarded with pictures, videos and posts of other people doing life way better than me. I see people with more wealth, more possessions, more experiences. I see so many artists — people WAY more talented than I — making WAY more sales than I. I find people living the art dream in a way that I can only imagine. The result is that every single dose of social media — no matter how short or how long — leaves me feeling depressed, lonely and lacking. I covet all that which I don’t have.
Driving down the highway seems to do the same thing. Living in the Houston area, I have no choice but to spend a lot of time on the highways and in the suburbs. There I see all the Teslas, the Porsches, the Land Cruisers I don’t have. I see the huge luxury trucks on mountain high wheels while driving through neighborhoods full of million dollar homes with backyard pools and vast green yards and white picket fences.
I look back at myself and feel empty. It’s my nature to do so. I self critique and curse myself for not having “finer things.”
It’s a struggle. Every single day. And there’s no escaping it, except through the word of God and the faith that through Him, all things are possible. Part of the problem is that I try to take on life’s issues on my own. I think I am in control. I am the master.
Reality check: I ain’t the master of nothin’!
Giving up the idea of control seems to be the first step. The second would be to realize what I have already discussed here many times before: that social media is fake. It’s not real. I know because I participate in it too. It’s highly curated and designed to show off all of our accolades, the positives in life. No one is posting their myriad failures or unfiltered photos. It’s not real. So I have to approach it with that caveat.
My last defense against my coveting nature is to remind myself of all that I do have: food, shelter, comfort. The basics. Let’s be honest: living in 2025 is so much more convenient than living in 1925 and the difference between living now versus living in 1825 is so far beyond comprehension that most of us would crumble at the prospect of living life 200 years ago. We are blessed. I am taken care of. Matthew 6:33 reminds us to “first seek the Kingdom and all His righteousness and then these things will be added unto you.”
Mic drop.
Just like the birds in the trees and the lilies of the field don’t want for anything, neither should I. Things are just things. I can’t take them with me. When I feel that jealousy, that envious, coveting nature of mine creeping in to stir up trouble in my soul, I have to stop and ask for help. I can’t do it alone.
How about you? Do you also struggle with this? How do you combat it? Please tell me in the comments! Let’s help each other!
Oh Jeff , I understand this struggle! When I was injured in the job, got sick and was near losing my house and everything else, I was so angry. I hated everyone walking around smiling. The depression got so bad and family issues were abundant..Fast forward and it got better….. slowly. My church family helped me the most. Praise God that he was with me even when I doubted him. Jesus loves you and somewhere there will be something happen and it all comes together. It’s just in Gods time, not ours. Praying for you since I knew you existed…. you have always been covered in prayer. I love you and somewhere there does HE 🙏🏼
Thanks, for sharing, Mom. Gotta keep that prayer chain going. We all need it.
OMGOSH YES!!! One of the hardest things Jimmie and I struggle with as well. As soon as you proclaim Jesus as the Lord of your life, you have a huge target on your back for the enemy. He loves to amplify your weaknesses and plant those seeds of doubt in your mind; “your art is terrible, just give up. You’ll never be a successful artist as a follower of Him. Haven’t you figured this out yet!? People want good art, not God art. Your life would be so much easier if you just did what everyone else is doing” yeah, Christian life ain’t easy and we struggle with this on a daily basis. But that’s why God is so good. He will keep lifting is up when we fall down…erry day. I can’t imagine how exhausted He must be!
Check out the Christian artist, Andy Mineo “You Can’t Stop Me” Play it LOUD man! This pumps me up and keeps me fightin’ the good fight!
Will do, Amy! Thanks for the recommendation and thanks for sharing your experience as well. I definitely attest to strength in numbers and knowing we’re not alone in this is one way to fight back! All the best!